


this loneliness won't last for long

by likebrightness



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, but i feel like y'all should know it before embarking on this story, which is not something i usually like to tag bc hello spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-09-06 14:46:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8756740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/likebrightness/pseuds/likebrightness
Summary: Alex goes in first. Alex goes in first and Maggie is her backup, Maggie is waiting outside for Alex to call her in over their comms. Maggie is far enough away that she registers the building blowing up, but Maggie is close enough that she is thrown by the explosion. She doesn’t have a chance to scream. prompt: one of them believes the other is dead





	

**Author's Note:**

> the prompt was post-their first kiss, one of them believing the other is dead. but it is very important that you readers know NO ONE ACTUALLY DIES IN THIS STORY. fuck bury your gays, man

Alex goes in first. Alex goes in first and Maggie is her backup, Maggie is waiting outside for Alex to call her in over their comms. Maggie is far enough away that she registers the building blowing up, but Maggie is close enough that she is thrown by the explosion. She doesn’t have a chance to scream.

-

She wakes up in the DEO med bay. Her head hurts like a _bitch_. She tries to sit up, fails, groaning. Someone, a nurse or something, comes in.

“I’m going to bump up your pain meds, okay?”

Maggie tries to say _Alex_ , but her throat is scratchy and raw.

-

When Maggie wakes up again, Supergirl is beside her bed. Supergirl feeds her ice chips. Supergirl has been crying.

“Alex?” Maggie finally manages to say.

Supergirl shakes her head.

-

Alex is dead.

Alex died in a warehouse explosion.

Alex wasn’t exactly Maggie’s partner, but she kind of was. The NCPD lets Maggie take bereavement leave.

Maggie doesn’t know what she’s supposed to do. She hadn’t known her long. She shouldn’t be this affected.

But she thinks about how she’s never going to get to kiss her again, and then she thinks about what a fucking selfish viewpoint that is. Alex was so much more than a kiss next to a pool table.

Maggie is never going to get to tell her that.

-

Maggie has a concussion. The DEO insists she have her follow-up with their doctors. Supergirl is there at the end of her appointment.

“Hey,” Supergirl says. She looks at the ground. “I wanted to see how you’re doing.”

“I wanted you to save Alex,” Maggie says. Supergirl sucks in a breath. “Where _were_ you? How _could_ you?”

Supergirl swallows. “I hope you are doing okay.”

“I am not _doing okay_.” Maggie has never been this honest about her emotions with anyone. “She was my partner.”

“She was my sister,” Supergirl says, and then gasps, her eyes wide.

Maggie stares at her. “What?”

Supergirl looks at the ground again, kicks at it. “I— um. Kara Danvers,” she says. “Nice to meet you.”

Maggie knows your heart is supposed to be the size of a fist, but she feels like hers is _inside_ a fist right now, squeezed so hard it can barely beat.

“You’re Kara.”

Supergirl nods. Kara nods.

“I’m—” Maggie blinks hard. She’s cried in front of too many people lately. “I’m glad she had you.”

Supergirl steps forward, a question in her eyes. Maggie nods.

Kara holds her as they cry.

-

The first time Maggie has to call the DEO about a case, she wants to vomit.

She talks to Vasquez, and she wonders if her own voice cracks the way Vasquez’s does.

Supergirl shows up on her scene, along with an agent Maggie can’t remember if she’s met before.

It takes them three weeks to solve the case. She and Alex never took longer than a week. Maggie takes their perp to processing, does her paperwork, and goes home. She barely makes it to her bathroom in time to throw up.

-

Weeks go by. Maggie still feels nauseated every time she calls the DEO, still can't hear Alex’s name without her heart feeling like it's in a vise.

Henshaw asks how she is, and she smiles like there’s nothing wrong.

“I'll be better when we take down Cadmus.”

It's not a lie.

A shadow passes over Hank’s face. “You and me both,” he says.

-

Kara shows up on her doorstep. Maggie doesn’t know why.

“It’s Alex’s birthday.”

It feels like a sucker punch. Every brick that Maggie thought she had put up around her heart crumbles. It’s been four months.

Maggie lets Kara in. They don’t do anything, don’t say anything. They sit on opposite ends of the couch.

Maggie didn’t know Alex’s birthday. Alex never came to Maggie’s apartment. It’s been four months since a girl she barely knew died, and she still feels like her skin has been rubbed raw.

The room gets dark around them. Neither of them make any move to turn on a light.

Kara says, “I _miss_ her,” and Maggie lets the tears slip down her cheeks.

-

The DEO have agents undercover with Cadmus. Agents who haven’t checked in in three days. The DEO wants to play it like it’s a follow-up on an NCPD case, has nothing to do with their organization. Maggie and a couple officers go to see what they can find out.

It’s not supposed to be a big deal. It’s supposed to be easy. But Hank and Supergirl seem very worried about their agents, seem overly worried about Maggie, too, even though it’s just recon. Maggie wonders if they'd be more comfortable if Alex were going with her. She would; she's never found anyone she works with as well as she worked with Alex.

-

They pull up in an unmarked and a squad car. It’s supposed to be simple. Maggie knows all her lines. She’s ready.

Gunshots ring out from inside the building before they’re fully out of their cars. Maggie pulls her gun, approaches the door with the other cops behind her. This was supposed to be recon, dammit.

Before she can get to the door, it bursts open. She’s got her gun up but when she sees who came out, she almost drops it.

The air goes out of Maggie’s lungs. All of it. There’s something on her chest, something clenching her too tightly to take a breath.

“We have to go,” Alex says.

Alex says. Alex. Is talking. Is alive. Is in front of her. Is beautiful. Her hair is different. Longer. Redder, auburn, maybe. Her hands land on Maggie’s shoulders.

“Maggie, we have to go, okay?” Alex says.

Maggie swallows. “Alex?”

“Maggie, we have to get out of here,” she says. “Come on.”

Maggie follows.

Maggie thinks maybe she’s died. Maybe her heaven is a world where Alex Danvers is alive. It can’t be real.

Alex puts Maggie in the car first; she climbs in after.

“Go,” she tells the driver. Maggie doesn’t remember who’s driving, doesn’t remember what officers were with her on this mission.

-

Maggie feels stupid. Maggie should be a better cop than that, freezing during a shootout. They get away just fine, no injuries, but Maggie knows she should have done better.

She knows that, but she can’t really care. Alex is still beside her as they walk into the DEO. Alex keeps a hand on her. Alex leads her by the elbow or with a hand at the small of her back. Maggie isn’t sure she’d be putting one foot in front of the other if Alex weren’t making her. She can’t stop looking at her face.

It’s real. It’s there. It’s alive. Alex glances at her, and smiles, just a little smile but she _smiles_ , and Maggie feels like she’s going to break down.

In the DEO, the concern on Henshaw’s face melts away as soon as he sees Alex. Supergirl, too. Supergirl grins, and hugs Alex, and isn’t surprised. Maggie knows she should be mad. Maggie _is_ mad— the number of times they cried together, none of it was real— but she’s also numb. Alex is there. She doesn’t have it in her to be angry right now.

-

Debrief takes too long. Alex is away from her for too long. It's only an hour, two at most. But as soon as Alex is out of sight, Maggie’s skin crawls. If she can't see her, how can she be sure she's real?

Maggie sits on a bench in the hallway of the DEO and waits, her hands shaking.

Alex comes back too soon for them to have done a full debrief. Maggie isn't going to push her luck and ask, but Alex explains.

“I'll come back tomorrow, once things have settled down a bit,” Alex says. Maggie nods. “C’mon, Sawyer, I'll take you home.”

Alex gets a car from the DEO and drives her home. She doesn’t ask for Maggie’s address. Maggie didn’t know Alex even knew where she lived, ever, but especially after all this time.

Alex walks her upstairs. Alex comes inside with her. Maggie stares at her.

Alex helping her take her coat off is what does it. Alex’s hands gentle under her jacket, pushing it off her shoulders, and Maggie snaps.

She clutches at Alex, holds her by her upper arms. But Maggie’s hands can’t stay still. She can’t believe Alex is here, real, solid. Her hands go everywhere, up to her shoulders, down each arm, around her waist, up over her ribcage. She can feel Alex’s torso expand with a breath, and Maggie’s last wall breaks.

She’s crying as she kisses her.

She’s crying and desperate and Alex is alive, Alex is in her living room, Alex is kissing her back. Maggie snakes her hands around Alex, clings to her and kisses her.

Maggie tries to say _Alex_ , but it comes out more like a sob.

Alex gets it. “I'm here,” she says. “Maggie, I’m here.”

“Alex,” Maggie says.

Alex grabs Maggie under her thighs, lifts her until Maggie wraps her legs around Alex’s waist. She says _Maggie_ and Maggie cries.

Alex takes her to bed. Alex undresses her. Alex looks at her like she's a miracle. Maggie pulls Alex on top of her and holds her.

Alex is alive, in her bed, inside her. Maggie doesn't let go.

-

Maggie wakes up alone. She wakes up alone and her chest is suddenly so tight she can’t breathe, and then she hears a bang from the kitchen, followed by a muffled curse in Alex’s voice.

 _Alex_.

She’s still here. She’s still alive. She was never dead; she just let Maggie believe that, let her believe that for _months_.

Maggie wakes up alone and furious.

She grabs a button down off the floor and puts it on and—it must be Alex’s, actually, because it’s too big, it hangs over her wrists and all the way to the middle of her thighs. She wears it anyway, rolls the sleeves up and is ready to go.

Alex looks up when Maggie comes into the kitchen, she looks up and _beams_ , and just for a second, Maggie forgets that she’s mad. She forgets she’s mad because Alex is beautiful and alive and here, here in her kitchen with flour open on the counter, squatting and looking through her cabinets for God knows what, and Maggie’s entire body feels like butterflies, but then she remembers Alex let her think she was dead for five months, and she goes right back to being pissed.

“What the fuck were you thinking, Danvers?”

Alex’s smile morphs into open-mouthed confusion. “Um. That I’d make you pancakes?”

Maggie scoffs. “You think making me pancakes will make up for letting me think you were dead for _five months_?”

Alex sighs and stands up. “Maggie, I had to.”

“You did _not_ have to.”

“You know I did,” Alex says. “You know how undercover works. No one could know.”

“I do know how undercover works,” Maggie agrees. “And you don’t have to _fake your own death_ for them.”

Alex gives a half-shrug, half-nod. “It wasn’t intentional,” she says. “We were planning for me to disappear, the warehouse exploding just moved up our timeline.”

“How nice for you,” Maggie says. “That that just fell into your lap. What a great surprise.”

“I’m sorry, Maggie,” Alex says. “No one could know.”

“Except Henshaw and your sister and who knows who else at the DEO.”

Alex furrows her eyebrows at her. “My sister?”

“At least I know she didn’t have contact with you either,” Maggie says. “Surely Supergirl would have told you about how she blurted out that she’s your sister.”

Alex’s jaw drops. “What?”

Maggie rolls her eyes. “That was months ago, I’m over it,” she says. “I suppose all the times she cried with me were just because she missed you? Since she knew you were coming back?”

“She didn’t know I was coming back,” Alex says like that’s what matters in the conversation. “This wasn’t something I was guaranteed to come back from.”

“Great,” Maggie says. “So she cried because you _might_ die, and I cried because you _were_ dead.”

Alex flounders. “She— you—”

Maggie would roll her eyes again, but Alex is being so stupid it’s not even worth it. “Yeah, Alex, I was sad you _died_.”

“And you and Kara…”

“Sat around crying together on your birthday,” Maggie says. She’d be embarrassed, but she’s still too raw thinking about it. “I didn’t even know it was your birthday until she showed up. I barely know anything about you, Alex. I thought you were gone and I didn’t know your birthday or your favorite color or what it was like to hold your hand. I thought you were just figuring out who you were, and you were gone. It was such _bullshit_ , Alex, and you did _not_ have to do it to me.”

Alex hangs her head. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” She looks up at Maggie. “Things were moving so quickly with Cadmus, and I didn’t know how to say goodbye to you, and everyone was supposed to think I was dead. That was important. So I just— left. And I’m sorry.”

Maggie deflates a little. She’s still pissed, still can't believe Alex did this to her. Maggie gets undercover work; she knows you have to leave people behind, but you don't have to make your partner think you're dead.

She's still pissed, yeah, but Alex is in her kitchen. Alex is apologizing. Maggie could make her grovel, probably, or maybe she could just make her make pancakes.

“It’s not okay,” Maggie says and Alex frowns. “If you pull anything like that again, we’re _done_.”

Alex nods, serious and sincere, and oh, Maggie barely knows anything about her, but she knows she could love her. She knows that.

“As long as you don’t, though?” she says, picking up where she left off instead of thinking about the word _forever._ “I think we’ll be okay.”

Alex tugs on the hem of her tank top. She bites her bottom lip and grins. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“I won’t do it again,” Alex says. “Nothing like it, I swear. You either, okay?”

“You’d deserve it,” Maggie grumbles. “But I’d never.”

Alex takes a step toward her. Takes another, still holding onto the bottom of her shirt. Maggie realizes she's still only wearing Alex's button down.

“Can I kiss you?” Alex asks.

Maggie grins, immediately, and tries to hide it by rolling her eyes. “Yeah, Danvers,” she says. “You can kiss me.”

It’s different than last night. Last night was desperate and hard, and this is soft and so, so sweet. Alex’s hands find Maggie’s waist, and Maggie fists her fingers in Alex’s shirt, holds tight, just— just in case. They kiss until all of the leftover anger has melted out of Maggie. Her limbs feel fluid. She rests her hands, palms flat against Alex’s chest.

Alex pulls back finally, brushes her lips against Maggie’s forehead.

“I’m gonna make you pancakes now, okay?”

“Okay,” Maggie says, and kisses her one more time.

“Where the hell are your mixing bowls?”

Maggie laughs and directs Alex to the cupboard with the bowls. Alex gets to work. Maggie watches, occasionally cutting in to tell Alex where she can find things she needs. She doesn’t help, though, is too busy watching the way Alex measures and mixes and moves through her kitchen, real and here and alive.

Alex cracks an egg and looks over at Maggie.

“It’s blue, by the way,” she says. Maggie looks at her quizzically. “My favorite color.”

Yeah, Maggie thinks she could love her.  

 

 

 


End file.
